Druidess Part II: Don't Touch My STICK!
by Wonderfall
Summary: Can be read without the first! Hermione's life took a drastic turn, but was it for better or worse? Now there are new and forgotten people in her life, she has a new job, and a 400 year old druid is living in her head.Draco/Hermione Ron/Pansy Harry/Ginny
1. Doing The Deed Here, There, Everywhere!

Druidess Part II

Don't Touch My Stick

By: Wonderfall

Chapter 1: Doing the Deed Here… There… EVERYWHERE!

* * *

_"SOMEONE GET ME A BUCKET OF WATER!" The tall brunette screamed. Her hands were covered in blood and filled with bandages. She was standing in a small crowded hut, but more and more people with injuries were filing in. Outside, the sounds of screaming and cursing could be heard. In the distance there was a fire devouring the neighboring village and surrounding areas. All around her, people were crying out for help. It was war._

_"I SWEAR IF I CAN'T GET SOME WATER RIGHT NOW..." The brunette screamed again. _

_"HERE!!! WATER!!!" A stubby man, much shorter than most, rushed into the room. He almost tripped but somehow made it to the bed where the water was needed._

_The screaming lady snatched the bucket out of the man's hands and poured it all over her the dying man on her table._

_"YOU!" She pointed to a random man standing near her. "Hold him down!" She turned away from the man and started towards another injured person who was lying against the wall in the back of the hut, blood pouring from his neck. She brought out her wand as quick as she could. She yelled out a spell, but it couldn't be heard over all the noise. Bandages flew from her wand straight to the man and wrapped up his neck, stopping the bleeding._

_She turned to see to someone else, when she heard it. _

_The nasty clicking sound of wood on wood, cl-lunk!_

_"Oh hell no!" She turned in another direction and exited the hut as top speed. She pushed through the throng of people in her way, purposely shoving them to get to her destination as quick as possible. She separated the two sheets of cloth hanging from the board above the entrance to her hut and emerged into the battle zone. She took several steps forwards and turned on the spot. Sure enough..._

_Her hut was on fire._

_"NO ONE SETS MY HOUSE ON FIRE!!!!" She roared. She pointed her wand towards her roof and mumbled, _"Aguamenti_". A sparkling jet of water burst from the wand and onto the roof, successfully dowsing the fire._

Hermione Granger started to giggle.

"_Stop laughing! I'm still pissed about that day!!"_

"I'm sorry! What happened next?"

"_Afterwards, I ran back inside and started going through the rest of the people...."_

_The angry witch was flaring, some could have sworn they saw smoke coming from her ears. She rushed back into her hut, water leaking from the ceiling, and got back to work. She stayed like that for what felt like forever, frantically turning from person to person, bandaging, blood, water, heal spells, rinse and repeat. As dark began to descend on the village, the noise began to lighten._

_The witch knew what the silence meant, and she didn't like it. With everything in her tiny hut somewhat under control she ventured outside, wand at the ready. She was right; the two sides of the battle were at a stand off. Two large groups of wizards and witches alike were standing with their wands out in the offensive stance, facing each other, all with murderous looks on their faces. _

"Wait, Tari... where did this battle take place again?"

"_Who knows? It was so long ago, and it wouldn't exist today anyways. This battle didn't even go down in history with a name. It was just a very dim-witted family feud. And in the end, they all died. The cool thing is, the village leaders got together to decide whom gets the fortune the deceased left behind. There were literally no living relatives left. They all gave it to me, for saving the rest of the village."_

Hermione started her giggling again. At that moment, a tall and handsome man walked into the room with an odd look on his face. He stopped upon entering and looked at the giggling girl.

"Hermione what are you laughing at?"

Her laughter elevated and became an uncontrollable force. She tumbled over onto the floor, clutching her stomach, howling.

"What happened? Did someone over do a cheering charm on you?" Draco Malfoy stepped over to his girlfriend of exactly one year and picked her up. He placed her gently on the bed and watched as she laughed herself into tears. He sat on the side and watched with pure interest.

After a minute, she finally calmed down a little; her face was tear-stained and she let out a small chuckle every couple of seconds.

"Now, what was that all about, Granger?"

"The voices in my head are telling me funny stories is all." She wiggled her eyebrows at him.

"Oh, that's fantastic. I love coming home from work and hearing that my girlfriend has voices in her head!"

She looked up to him and smiled. "I love my life!" She exclaimed.

"Are you high?" He questioned her with a raised eyebrow.

"Off life." She grinned happily.

"Mmm, I'll give you something else to get high off…" Draco spoke his cheesy innuendo and tackled Hermione. She squealed with happiness and before long she was moaning with pleasure.

Across the country, another couple was also "getting high".

Pansy was yelling frantically as she pushed herself against a wall by her four poster bed. Across the bed from her, was Ron sporting a devious grin. "Ronald-no! Don't you dare, Weasley!!! I'll kick your-"

"What? You can't swear for your life, Pans. So, what was it you were going to kick?" He wiggled his eyebrows evilly at her and then lunged at her. She let out a high pitched scream and tried to get away, but it was too late!!! Ron grabbed her around the waist and gracefully tossed her onto the bed and pinned her down by the arms. "You aren't going anywhere." He whispered seductively in her ear.

"Oh _Ron_…"

In another place, someone else was doing the deed. It was Saturday night after all. But unlike Hermione and Draco and unlike Pansy and Ron, Ginny was having sex with someone whose name was unknown to her. And instead of having sex in a somewhat "decent" place, she was doing it in a bathroom stall.

It was rough, it was primal, and it was _hard_.

Ginny didn't know the man she was currently shagging; they had just met up in a random bar to be completely honest. She really just needed some release, and something to take her mind of a certain "Boy-who-lived-and-lived-again-but-should'n't've!".

But she couldn't rid her mind off the prat and she hated herself for it. The man who was currently in her, was shorter than Harry, fatter than Harry, and had terrible breath, unlike Harry. But she could _pretend._

"Ohhh.... ohhhh............ OOHHHH!! Harry...." There it was... the pretending.

"Erm... my name isn't Harry..." The unknown named man pulled away slightly from Ginny and gave her an accusing look.

"I wasn't _calling_ you 'Harry', I was erm.. uhh... commenting on your... head! It's very hairy..." She lied through her teeth. "I... I like it like... that...."

He gave her a disgusted face and back away. He zipped up his pants and walked out of the stall, mumbling, "Freak..." as he left.

She stepped down from the toilet and straightened out her skirt. "Damnit Harry!!!"

"My name isn't HARRY!" The man called out from a distance.

"FUCK!!!!" Ginny screamed. She grabbed her purse from the tiled floor, dug around for her wand, and apparated home. "DAMNIT HARRY!!!"

"What did I do?!"

Ginny stopped in mid step towards the kitchen to break things, and looked at her couch. Sure enough, there sat the culprit, the devil, the man she was going to murder... The man she couldn't get her mind off. The BOY-WHO-LIVED-AND-LIVED-AGAIN-AND-SHOULDN'T'VE!!!

"YOU!!!" She pointed at him and gave him the meanest, angriest prison-love glare she could conjure.

Harry almost jumped out of his skin at the look he got. He stood from the couch and starting backing up immediately. "Seriously, Gin? What did I do?!"

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU DID!!" She snatched up her purse, grabbed her wand and pointed it squarely at his chest. "Ever since last year and you're stupid confession, 'I'm in love with you Ginny! I'm in love with you!' all I can do is think about shagging your brains out!!"

"Well.... I don't really have a problem with that...." He raised both of his eyebrows at her.

Ginny's prison-love glare turned into one of disgust. She marched up to him as quickly as light and slapped him across the face. "HOW COULD YOU PLAY WITH MY FEELINGS LIKE THAT HARRY?"

Harry shook his head from the blow and looked at her. "I'm not trying to play with your feelings!!! I just stopped by to discuss George's Birthday party!!!"

Ginny looked at him in shock. "Oh Harry!!! You're so sensitive!!!" She jumped on him and started kissing his face. Harry's arms automatically came up to her back to hold her.

But he couldn't help but think, _"Bi-polar much?"_

Ginny grabbed onto his shoulders and pushed him with her body against the wall; her pent up sexually charged frustration was on fire.

"HARRY!"

"What?!?!"

"I'M JUST... I'M JUST SO EXCITED!!! FUCK, I THINK I JUST CAME!!!"

"Ginny, what is wrong with you!?" Harry tried to push her away from himself and put some distance between them. But Ginny was holding onto him like her life depended on him. She was rocking her body against him and wiggling chaotically.

Between Ginny's squirming and Harry's attempts to put her down, they ended up breaking through Ginny's bedroom door.

"OOOOHHHHHH!!!" Ginny let out a giant moan as they fell onto her bed. She climbed onto him and started rocking her body uncontrollably.

"GINNY, HOLY SHIT!" Harry put all his might into pushing her off him and he stood up. "What is wrong with you!?"

"There's nothing wrong with me!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!" She pointed at him and sneered.

"I just don't think this is right when you... well... you're not right in your bloody mind!!!" He pointed back to her and then walked out into the living room. A couple of moments later, Ginny heard a loud crack.

"FUCK!!!!!!!!!" Ginny fell backwards onto her bed and let out a very loud, high pitched scream.

Hermione pulled the covers up to her neck and sighed happily. She felt Draco's hand rest on her stomach. He rested his head in the nape of her neck, humming nicely.

"I give it an 'A' for acceptable." Hermione said dreamily.

"An 'A'???? Are you kidding me?" Draco pulled his head back and gave her a nasty look.

"Acceptable." Hermione nodded.

"I'm absolutely appalled."

"We'll maybe you need to step it up. Then I might give you a new evaluation." She teased.

He leaned over and began to kiss her neck. As pay back, he bit down on her neck as hard as he could.

"OOOOWWWW!! MALFOY I'LL KILL YOU!!!"

**

* * *

**

Author's Note: Whooaaa hey guys!! I had a lot of fun writing Druidess, but I was afraid of dragging it out to unbearable lengths. Therefore, you guys get a sequel. I know… I'm awesome!! Ha ha ha…. Ha… ha… yea… just kidding...

**By the way, ****Harry Potter is owned by someone totally not me! =)**

**Hehe, there we go. Chapter 1. If you enjoyed it, press the review button and let me know!!! =D**


	2. I don't know

Druidess Part II

Don't Touch My Stick

Chapter 2: I Don't Know

* * *

"_Long ago, in a tiny little pond, there was a frog. But this frog was not just any regular frog... Oh no. He was the embodiment of the greatest wizard ever known to man-wizard kind. _

_His name was Chester . _

_And the reason he was a frog, was because he was.......... impotent. It was rather sad." _

"Sugar-toots!!!"

"_OH fucks!"_

"Oooohh my sweet Ginger-pie-tootsie-roll!!! I _neeeeeeeed_ you!!!"

"_Let me die. Let me die. Please someone just come stab my face. Please, with sugar-NO!!! NON-SUGAR on top! Yea, like sweet-n-low. He would never call me 'sweet-n-low-toots'." _

"There you are my little precious pumpkin tart. I need you to put hair spray on the back of my head. I can't reach with all of my bulging muscles!!!" It was the worst person in the world.

Bradley "Sweet-Cheeks" Pieceleton, or so formerly known as...

His real name was actually somewhere around 5 miles long. But Ginny was instructed to call him Sir B-Rad of "Da L Y". It was dreadfully terrifying to ways Ginny couldn't understand.

See, the situation here all started five months ago. Ginny finally decided to ditch the office job and go for what she really wanted: Professional Quidditch Player. So she set up an audition.

_Five Months Ago... _

Ginny walked into the small studio and stopped dead in her tracks. The smell was terrible and she felt slightly drunk. It was a mix between too much alcohol and really bad cologne. Ginny had her doubts about this whole ordeal. It was too strange that an audition for a professional Quidditch position was being held in a studio... The smell just increased her doubts. The situation was just _too _fishy.

She rang the giant rope bell that hung next to the front door then call out a shaky, "hello?"

A couple of moments later a tall, blond, Ken-doll-looking man walked out of a room on the second floor and looked over the steely balcony. He had a perfect, hairless chest which sported an amazing six pack. His sharp blue eyes sparkled like mesmerizing stars. He was tall and muscled; his hair was rough blond and looked soft at any distance. Basically, he was the hottest piece of ass Ginny had ever laid eyes on, as cliche as that could be.

It helped that he was only wearing a thin gold robe what stopped just above his knees and dipped low on his chest. Her head tilted to the side slightly, thinking about just what he was sporting under his thin robe.

After a couple of moments of observation, Ginny was wet. It's sad isn't it?

"Hey you doll, are you here for the job interview?" His voice was perfect, manly but not too deep. It was creamy.

She followed him up the steel stairs and into his office. The very smell of him was intoxicating, completely opposite of the room. She found herself actually drooling just a little bit. Ginny stepped into his giant office, completely missing the sign on the front of the door, which was aptly labeled as "The Pad.". The office was huge, much bigger than expected. It looked more like a study.

There were large mesh chairs in front of a heavy mahogany desk. The windows on the far wall stretched for two stories; they were draped with thick, red curtains held tightly by a golden rope. The carpet was maroon colored. The walls were golden, and filled with pictures of the same blond man. It was easy to tell this guy was in Gryffindor and he was very arrogant.

"Now, I'm not looking for just anyone for this team, darling." The man spoke as he sat down behind the desk and began going through some files. "I need someone who has all the time in the world to dedicate to and for this job."

"Oh, that's me. I'd do anything for you-I mean... this team." Ginny shook her head in a feeble attempt to clear it and sat down in one of the overly large chairs. Funnily, she couldn't remember the name of the team she was trying out for.

"Good. I need someone who can run fast, because when I need something done, I want it done immediately, honey. I'm tired of people working for me that can't do what I hired them for." He let out an angry sigh and rolled his eye, seemingly at a bad memory. Then he flipped his hair.

Ginny didn't notice these small gestures... she was too occupied looking at the man's gorgeous eyes.

"Alright, toots... I've already looked through your application and I feel like you and I... we could really connect, ya know what I'm talking about, doll?"

Ginny's mouth opened slowly as she watched his lips move. She closed it quickly and hummed a, "Mmmmhmmm".

"Now, you'll be working long days, every day of the week, for the entire season. Are you prepared for that kind of work? I don't want to tire your beautiful body out." He winked.

Ginny looked away, thinking desperately, _"Get a hold of yourself, woman! Just because you haven't had sex in three months..."_

"Five..." She whispered out loud and closed her eyes pathetically.

"What was that sugar-toots?"

"Nothing, erm... What was your name again?"

"Bradley Pieceleton! Surely you've seen my name and beautiful face in _Monthly Quidditch _and _Witch Weekly_'sMost Charming Smile Contest!!!!" He held up a magazine, having pulled it from no where, and displayed his own beautiful face.

"_Dear god, I've run into Lockheart's spawn!!!"_ Ginny thought, horrified. Then, for the sake of the job, she said, "Of course. I would love to be on the team with you and your award winning smile!"

It was from that point that Ginny just began rubbing Bradley's ego instead of answering truthfully to the best of her ability. She ignored his innuendos and degrading nick names, for the sake of the job!

At the end of the interview Bradley stood up and held out his big, soft hand. Ginny stood up and grabbed it shook it firmly. Then he exclaimed, "Finally! The perfect personal assistant."

Ginny's heart stopped beating at that moment.

It only took two weeks before Ginny was completely annoyed with Bradley. It was only last month when he informed Ginny she was supposed to call him 'Sir B-Rad of Da L Y' on top of her daily routine of unnecessary pampering. And she cursed herself to the day for not realizing what had really happened in that job interview.

"Okay, okay. Which of these do you like the best?" He asked holding out two different photographs of himself. To Ginny, they looked absolutely the same so she made up some random crap.

"Definitely the one on the right. You pop out more, your teeth look whiter, and the mood is really just great!!!"

"Excellent. What would I do without you, babypop?" He winked passionately before walking away in a breeze.

Ginny made a small fake gagging noise before continuing with her day dream.

"_Chester, the impotent frog, was terribly lonely..."_

"Hermione?" Draco called out, turning around a corner and gazing into the room. He looked around and decided she wasn't in that room either. He sighed; ever since she had moved in with Draco two months previous, she had taken up the habit of finding the smallest corner of the smallest room and reading a book. It annoyed the hell out of Draco and gave her a good laugh.

Sighing again, he gave up on the Search-Of-The-Worm and set destination for the kitchen. Ohhh yeah, the kitchen. The place in which the food is held. Draco rather liked his kitchen, mostly because it was huge but also because it was always stocked. As he walked down the hallway and turned into said room, havoc broke loose.

Exactly three different things happened at once. The first thing that happened was he ran head long into the girl he was dating, hard, simutaniously breaking his beautiful nose. The second thing to occur was the girl he was dating fell to her bum and let out a harsh, "FUCKING OW DAMN!!!!" and that simply was not good. But the third thing, the worst thing, was whatever the girl he was dating had in her hands was now licking his face.

Eeeewww.

"UGH-Get it off!! GET IT OFF!!! AAAIIIEEEEEeeeoeooo..." Draco cried out dramatically and started rolling around as if he were lit on fire.

"Malfoy, chill. Seriously, it's just a dog." Hermione sat and began rubbing her right wrist with her left hand. "In this big of a house, can't you use one of the other six different entryways to the kitchen instead of knocking me on my ass?"

"Granger, chill. Seriously, sarcasm is a bitch." Draco sneered at her as he shoved the so called "dog" away from him with one hand and held his nose with the other. "Dear god you broke my nose. My NOSE!! WHY!?"

"It was too big, I had to destroy it." Hermione laughed evilly and stood up.

"What the hell is a 'dog', by the way?" Draco asked as he continued to lay on the floor, pathetically. When he didn't get an answer he lifted his head ever so slightly and looked around. Hermione was standing there with a look of utter confusion across her face. "What?"

"You don't know what a dog is?!" Hermione practically yelled.

"No!" He spat, returning the look.

"Okay, Draco. I know you grew up knowing you had more money than god. But if you don't know what a dog is, we have some serious human issues to tackle." Hermione walked over to him and picked up the dog, patting it gently.

"So long as it doesn't bite, I'm already injured. I can't take anymore abuse from you!" Draco joked, giving her a wink.

"Ugh, Malfoys. Yes, some dogs do bite. This is a puppy and so far, he doesn't bite. If we raise him right, he never will." Hermione beamed rubbing the dog on the rub. As far as Draco could tell, the thing had like four rows of teeth... like a shark. But maybe he was just overreacting. It was sandy colored, similiar to his hair.

"Gah!" He glared. "Aren't you some kind of HEALER or something?"

"Or something sounds more like me." She laughed, leaning down next to him. Gently, she rubbed his nose with her fingers and then kissed his lips.

"Do all of your patients get a kiss?" Draco wondered as the pain in his nose began to lighten.

"Just about. I snogged this one guy the other day. He was a total hot-ass."

"I hate you." He smiled at her.

"I hate you, too." She returned the smile.

"So why'd you get the... the dog?" Draco stood up and brushed himself off.

"It's for Karl. You know? Your adopted son?"

"I know who Karl is, thanks."

"Sureeeee. Anyways, he was telling me the other day that he always wanted a dog, but his real parents never got him one because they were allegric. And because you never seemed to listen when he asked. You're a terrible father." Hermione joked, placing on hand on her hip and giving a sneer look in his direction.

"Really?"

"Yes. You guys should DO something like... go see a quidditch match. It'll be fun." She nodded, petting the puppy again.

"Yea, I can do that." He gave in, and slowly reached over and patted the dog.

"You know..." Hermione started, bending over and putting puppy down. "Pansy probably won't bring Karl back for a couple of hours or so..." She did a sideways glance. "I mean, you know... You wouldn't have to go see that quidditch match for a while..."

He caught her mood and grinned. "Just a couple of hours?"

Harry was sitting on his black couch. He was staring at the wall. He was hungry. He didn't feel like getting up to feed himself.

He felt like shit.

_"Why spend your only day off sulking around the house, dude? Go find Ron. Go eat pizza. It will be FUN."_ His head spoke to him.

"I don't know..."

_"Oh c'mon! You need to go out of the house. FIND A GIRLFRIEND. GET LAID."_

"I don't know..."

_"Harry! JEEZ MAN! Listen to yourself. You _DON'T_ know about going out into the fresh air, hanging out with your best friend, looking for some hot ass and getting laid? DID YOU TURN GAY ON ME!?"_

"I don't know..." He mumbled to himself stubbornly. The voices in his head seemed to stop after that. Harry brought his fingers up to his temples and massaged them gently. It was his only day off during the week, why did he have to get a headache? Usually he had Sunday's off work; this week was different. He had Saturday to himself this week. Maybe that's why he had a headache. Damn messed up schedule. He sat back into his big sofa, allowing it to engulf him. He closed his eyes and willed the headache to go away. A headache free Saturday. A headache free Saturday. A headache free Saturday.

...

He heard the metal on metal sound of someone putting a key into his front door and then opening. So much for a headache free Saturday. Harry heard hushed voices of whom he assumed to be Ginny and George.

"Shhhhh!!!" Ginny hissed from the hallway.

"Why do I have to 'Shh' if he's supposed to be at work!?" George whispered loudly back to her.

"I don't know, doesn't seem right speaking loudly in someone else's house! Just shhhh!" She retorted in the same hiss.

Harry rubbed his temple again with his fingers. He didn't feel like standing up, instead he just lifted and turned his head so he was barely peeking over the edge of the couch. Ginny and George were standing at the entrance to Harry's living room each with a bag over their shoulder and beginning a cat fight over something in Ginny's hand.

"It's mine I get to hold it!" She argued as they swiped at each other.

"It's my idea! I get to hold it!" George gave her the meanest look he could conjure. "Mine mine mine mine!!!!"

"Mine mine mine mine mine!!!" She took a quick step back and smacked him right across the head. "MINE."

George also took a step back, then he placed both his hands in front of himself. "Okay. OW."

Ginny was about to respond when Harry decided to make his presence known. "When are you guys going to realize Ginny Weasley always gets what she wants?" The sound of his sudden voice caused George and Ginny to jump.

"Guh... guhh.... GUHH Harry? Hey! What's up man? What's this? In Ginny's... hand... erm.... I thought you said he was working today?!?!" George questioned, turning to his baby sister.

"I thought he was! He always works on Saturday's! I come over here all the time without him knowing about it... er.... I mean..." Ginny turned around wide eyed then whispered, "I can't believe I just said that!"

George turned back to Harry and smiled. "Er.... right.... bye Harry!" He took the bags and whatever was in Ginny's hand and bolted out the front door, leaving his sister completely undefended.

Harry just shook his head and sank back down into his couch, letting out a slightly frustrated sigh. He closed his eyes and buried his head into the cushions. "Harry?" He heard Ginny walk into the living room and felt her weight as she sat into the couch next to him. "Harry?? Are you alright?"

He sighed again, then mumbled, "I'm just so great."

Unfortunately due to the couch and cushions, it came out rather muffled. "Did you just say you masturbate?" Ginny wondered wildly.

His head flew up and he glared at her. "No!!!!" Then he crumbled back into his position. "Perv."

"Oh. S'okay... we all do it..." Ginny looked around and then sat back into the couch, mimicking Harry's posture.

"Not everyone does it." He said, this time turning his head so his words wouldn't be muffled again.

"Sure we do... are you telling me you don't?"

"Well... I did once... but it's not like something I do regularly..." He gave her a bewildered look.

"Harry... are you kidding me?"

"No......" He squeaked. She started laughing. "It's not that bad... jeez!"

"I'm sorry, I won't laugh. I'm sorry." She took a deep breath. Then gave him a sideways glance. "Harry are you a virgin?"

He started choking. "Wha-no! I mean... wow. No, Ginny. I've had sex. Yea..."

"Are you sure? I mean I know you and Hermione were dating...."

"Gin-Do you really think Hermione and I had dated for two entire years and didn't have sex?"

She shrugged. "Hermione's an excellent liar, ya know."

"Wait... do you mean that... well... wait... Hermione told you what we did?" He asked in a whisper, his face completely white in shock.

"Duh? Of course she did." She answered with a breeze. Harry's previously white face turned a deep crimson color. He was blushing! "Aww. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you blush, you pansy." She giggled. He just blushed harder. Ginny gave him an apologic face and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Relax." She whispered and placed her other hand on his other shoulder and began massaging the muscles there gently.

Harry continued to blush like a school girl, but he noticed with a great relief that his headache had disappeared.

**

* * *

**

Author's Note: Hey there! Wow, I'm impressed. I had so many people review and add my story to your alerts. Now you're trapped. Muahahaha. Yea, anyways. Thanks everyone who reviewed. I loved it! Now here's chapter 2, some wonderfully delicious humor romance.

**Again, I own nothing, except all the terrible degrading nick names presented in this chapter.**

**It you enjoyed it, review it. :D**


	3. Darken

Druidess Part II

Don't Touch My Stick

Chapter 3: Darken

* * *

he feeling in the pit of his stomach was unnerving. It was repulsive and yet sickeningly appealing; it gave him shivers and made him feel feverish at the same time. Letting out a horrified "Gah!" he ran around Hermione and grabbed onto her shoulders, dunking down and hiding behind her.

"You're a wuss, Draco." She whispered to him, yet heard the fear in her own voice.

"As your lover and friend, I say this with honesty and love.... I implore you to finish off this... this... thing because you are obviously the best and brightest witch in the room."

Hermione glanced with a look at him that he didn't like. "I'm the only witch in the room you idiot." She looked forward again and took a deep, steady breath. It was... huge. She would rather be facing Voldemort while he was suffering from PMS than go any where near that... that.... THAT THING. The involuntary shivers traveled the length of her spine and she decided she was not the witch for this job. Copying Draco's move, she dunked behind Draco and let out a girlish squeal.

"Oh no no no!! Don't even- I can't- I'm sorry, 'Mione. I simply cannot do it." He admitted and then attempted to hide behind her again. She put her hands on his shoulders and tried to force him to stay in front of her. He copied her actions: placing his hands on her shoulders and pushed.

"Draco please... you're the man of the house, not me!" She cried a bit desperately.

"I know I try to come off as some macho manly guy, but really... I'm a wimp. I submit to you, you're better than me!"

"Malfoy, I can't go near that thing or else I'll faint and then it'll lay eggs in my head!! THEN THERE WILL BE MILLIONS OF THEM!!!" She shouted as she pounded on his shoulders with her fists.

"I- DON'T MAKE ME!!!"

"YOU'RE A LOSER MALFOY!!! A LOSER!!!"

"YEAH? WELL... YOU'RE A GEEK, GRANGER. GEEK!!!"

"ASSHOLE!"

"BITCH!"

"MAN WHORE!"

"Hermione-" He looked hurt and pouted his bottom lip out.

"Oh Draco, I'm so sorry!" She immediately took her hands off his shoulders and put them on his face. "I didn't mean it."

"No, but _you_ fell for it!" He spoke quickly and shoved her towards the 'thing'. She let out a banshee-like scream and began flailing her arms around wildly as she tripped over her own feet and fell to the floor, landing on her stomach. Her body went ridged as she lifted her face from the carpeted floor and saw, mere inches from her face, the largest spider Hermione ever laid eyes on.

The spider was, excluding legs, about the size of a baseball. It was a disgustingly shiny yellowish, orange-ish color with eight six-inch legs protruding from its rounded body. It was facing Hermione; its eight black, beady eyes shining. As it took a step towards her, she could have sworn it actually smiled with its small thin mouth.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Again, letting out a scream that could rival a banshee's, Hermione jumped up impossibly fast and right into the arms of Draco. "IT'S ON ME! IT'S ON ME! OH GODS! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!!! DRACO MALFOY GET IT OFF ME!!!!"

"NO! IT'S STILL BY THE DOOR. CALM DOWN WOMAN. WE'RE SAFE FOR NOW!!!" Draco yelled, his voice cracking at the end.

The situation was terrifying. Draco and Hermione were trapped inside a rather large closet in the Malfoy Manor, wandless and fearful of being eaten by the Spider of Death. A tear actually escaped Hermione's right eye as she began flailing about again.

"Draco, please just step on it, please!!!"

"Woman! I CAN'T! It's bigger than my shoe!!! Plus these are Italian leather..."

She slapped him hard across the face. "I. Don't. Care. About. Your. Stupid. SHOES!!! That spider is going to come after us and eat YOUR PRETTY FACE. YOU WILL BE FACELESS, MALFOY. FACE-LESS."

The threat against his precious face seemed too worked. "Okay... okay. Here's what we do." He took a deep breath and rubbed his hands together, a habit he often exercised when he was thinking. "Okay. What do we have with us? Okay... coats. We have coats and... and... coat hangers... and... OH I GOT IT!" He clapped loudly, scaring Hermione.

"What? What do we do!?"

"We're going to take this coat, it was my fathers," he pointed to the black coat on the end of the row. "And then we throw it over the spider. Then... we make a run for it."

"That's plausible." Hermione nodded, biting down on a nail nervously.

"What do you _mean _it's 'plausible'? It's brilliant!!"

"Well, of course. Very creative."

"Creative? Just admit it's brilliant or when I find a way out of here, I'll just leave you."

"Draco, it's a very good plan!!! I refuse to call it brilliant because it's just too simple for brilliant."

"... 'too simple'?" He gave her the evil eye.

She glared back. "So throwing a coat and running deserves brilliant in the world you live in?"

He squinted his eyes. "You- well- I don't see you coming up with anymore ideas." He countered lamely, crossing his arms.

"I don't need to, when we already have a very _plausible_ plan before us." She smiled wickedly, grabbing the coat he previously pointed to and holding it up for him.

His mouth dropped in surprise, forming a perfectly round 'O'. "You're just... mean. Fine. Who's going to run first?"

"..."

"We can't both fit through that door!"

"..."

"It would delay us in our pursuit for LIFE."

"..."

"... Hermione?"

"..."

"..."

"Alright. Your plan, you first. That's only fair... But you have to carry me."

"I can't carry you! You're too..."

She glared, menacingly.

"... fragile."

"Hardly."

"I-I-I se-seriously don't want to drop you, 'Mione. I don't want to lose you to a spider."

"You're so full of it."

"Ugh. Fine. When this ends badly... you'll only have yourself to blame."

"If you drop me, you'll only have yourself to blame for being a weak pansy."

He scoffed at her insult before swooping down and picking her up, damsel-in-need style. "Coat at ready, my Queen."

She smiled and held it up, ready for action. They both looked towards the door, towards safety.

… The spider was gone. Both of their mouth's dropped open in utter shock.

"WHERE THE FUCK...?" The screeched in unison.

"DRACO JUST RUN! JUST RUN! I'LL GET TO DOOR!!! OH MY GODS! RUN!!!!" And at her command, he bolted for the door. She grabbed the handle when he reached the distance and yanked the door open as far as she could and jumped out of his arms and rolled into the hallway. Draco, following right behind her, slammed the closet door shut and began running his hands all over himself to make sure he was spider free. Hermione soon followed his lead.

They jumped around for several minutes, looking over their shoulders and feeling their backs to be absolutely sure the spider was still in the closet. After several long, deep breaths, Draco and Hermione looked at each other.

"Do you want to sleep at Pansy's house tonight?" Hermione questioned, praying that he would say yes.

"Hell. Yea. KARL!!! WE'RE GOING TO AUNT PANSY'S HOUSE RIGHT NOW!" He yelled, grabbing Hermione's hand and stalking away.

Pansy absently twirled a long strand of her blondish hair with her fingers, ignoring her board of directors, and thinking about the red head that would be waiting for her in just a few hours' time. Before she met him, she admitted, things were different. She was different. She felt the goose bumps pop up, per usual, across her chest traveling to her arms. It happened every time at the thought: marriage.

Marriage.

The last time she considered marriage, in all seriousness, was in school. "_Mrs. Draco Malfoy._" She chuckled to herself at the thought. What did she know back then? After all, she was a brunette during those years. She dropped her hair-twirling hand and flipped the now blond strands over her shoulder. The funny thing was that she had been with many, _many_ men. And they had always, _always_ mentioned marriage to her.

She told them to drop dead. Pansy Parkinson did not marry low life sex-fiends who were obviously only after her money! She stomped her foot under the table to make her secret point. Wizard-witch marriages were forever... and Ron... was he forever... too? She pushed that thought away. He had not once even mentioned marriage to her.

She, unfortunately, had more pressing issues at hand: Her board of directors. She looked around the meeting room held on the upper most floor of her home. There was a large wooden table in this room, which at the current moment seated the most important people to her profession.

To her left was her personal assistant, a spunky young witch by the name of Arabella Westbrook. She was fresh out of Hogwart's, eager to get into the fashion world, and had the gall and motivation to get to the top fast. Pansy absolutely adored her and nicknamed her Ara.

Beyond Ara, were her two financial advisors, the brothers Eric and Justin Langley. The brothers were several years apart, each with dirty blond hair and baby faces. They were incredibly humble and good natured, but they were a good team and had, at one time, helped Pansy survive her first, and thus far, _only_ financial dip.

Across the table from Pansy was one of two Head of Departments in her clothing company. His name was Sean Bray. He was a fox. He looked more like a model than a business man. You could easily picture his well-defined muscles through the black suit he was wearing. But Pansy knew his secret, and it was safe with her.

Lastly, to her right was the second of the Head's, the Head of Corporation; his name was Roland Harwood. He was much older than the rest of the group sitting at the table, his head of mousy brown shading in grey and white and the lines on his face were very pronounced. He was, however, extremely intelligent and his dry, political humor stood well with Pansy.

She sighed as she thought of her team and decided to finally pay some attention.

"... quarterly sales are up from last year, almost a 90% increase. It's incredible, it's fascinating. I've never seen such an increase in revenue. "Eric informed. His brother continued after him.

"Madam Malkin's is going under, just about, ever since you opened up the new line of school robes. She asked for a loan from Gringotts just last week..."

"Offer her a job." Pansy answered simply, frowning at the thought of Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions going on.

"She might not take it, Ms. Parkinson. Since she is a smaller business owner and rather older..." Harwood piped in.

"Offer a settlement if she doesn't take the job. I don't _want_ to buy her out. I bought all my school robes from her and my Yule Ball dress as well..." Pansy spoke almost whimsically while twirling her hair in her fingers again. The group grinned.

Off in the distance there was the sound of a giant bell ringing, signaling someone was waiting at the door. Pansy took this moment to stand.

"Gentlemen, if there is no more to be discussed-"

"Yes, just one more thing, Ms. Parkinson." Bray held a finger up. "Something was brought to my attention that you might want to look at." He held up what looked like a job application and handed it to her. Pansy gave it a glance over and quickly noted the name. _Odd._

"Huh. Thank you, Mr. Bray. I shall take care of this." And she handed the papers over to Ara. "Next week. Ara, after me." She walked briskly out of the room and emerged into the hallway, her heels clicking loudly on the floor. Ara followed after her, both of them stepping into the golden barred elevator. "First floor." Pansy spoke quickly, wondering who could possibly be at her door.

In her thoughts, she had a terrible and fleeting moment of dread. A twisted feeling crept into her stomach, like something horrible was going to happen. When the golden barred door opened again, this time revealing the first floor of her home, she shook away her fear. What could happen?

What _could_ happen????

"Ackerley? Who is waiting at the door?" Pansy called as she stepped off the elevator quickly.

Ackerley was her butler, and had been for several years now. He was, as always, waiting for her as she entered the front room. "Madam Parkinson, Mr. Roe awaits you in the side room." He spoke lowly and held out his arm indicating the room that leads to the left of the front door.

Pansy, until now, hadn't been paying much attention. The twisted feeling of dread was back for absolutely no good would come from a visit from Mr. Roe.

"Thank you Ackerley." Pansy said, sounded winded and slightly fearful. "Ara, take my briefcase to my office please. You may go home afterwards."

"Yes ma'am, Ms. Parkinson." Arabella gave a small curtsy and walked hastily out of the room and into a small hallway.

Pansy gave a small nod to Ackerley and shook out her jitters, well tried to anyways. Then, with one brave step, began her walk into the side room. The drapes had not been drawn, causing the room to be blanketed in near darkness.

"Erling?" Pansy whispered, looking around for the figure.

"Over here, young Pansy." The voice was dull and deep.

"Erling... I'm tempted to kick you out... a visit from you is never good." She sighed and sat down in a near by chair.

"Nor will this one be, I'm afraid." He was polite enough, for a Death Eater. "I've just been to see Blaise."

"Aww, shit." Pansy put her hands to her cheeks. _This is just going to end badly. This conversation is already terrible._

"Lucius is very, very angry with his son." She suppressed a shudder.

"Is he back in the country?" Pansy asked in barely a whisper. She honestly didn't want to know the answer; ignorance was always nice to her before.

"He is, so is his wife. But she is sick, rumor has it." Erling came out of the shadows for the first time. He was cloaked, of course. But he held out something in his hand towards her, prompting her to take it. "These are just some files on him. They might provide useful. They might not. Either way, I knew you would want to know about it. His rage is clouding his judgment. He should not have come back."

Pansy took the papers timidly and tucked them under her arm, for later. "Thank you Erling. Is there anything else?"

"Not today, Ms. Parkinson." The bell rang out into the house again, much louder now that Pansy was so close to the front door. Pansy let out a groan. Erling Roe was gone. She stood up and tried to shake away the jitters again. She walked out of the room and was at the front door before Ackerley. She opened it and let out another groan.

Draco, Hermione, and Karl were standing at her door. "You've got to be kidding me." She whispered. She wasn't ready to face Draco, not so soon.

"Pans. You have to let us sleep over; my house is infested with SPIDER."

**Author's Note: On my profile is a picture of the spider, yea. You heard me. THE spider.**

**Squeek1504 beta'd this for me. I might have updated this sooner, too, had she not kept me so tied up with her Neville/Pansy romance: Time and Again. (By the way, that's a hint that you should go read it!)**

**As always, I own nothing, just writing to write.**


	4. Cheez It Whore

Druidess Part II

Don't Touch My Stick

Chapter 4: Cheez It Whore

* * *

Ginny sat on his couch and waited. And waited. And waited. It had been almost two hours of waiting by the time she decided she wouldn't wait any longer. Even though Harry's couch was extremely comfortable, although somewhat dingy, she stood up and started for the door. What was the fun in breaking into his small house if he didn't come home to catch her? Really, she was just bored... bored and avoiding her current employer for the day. She cringed at the thought of Sir B-Rad wondering around hopelessly, looking for her.

She was walking directly towards his front door, contemplating what she should do next. Stop by the Burrow and bum food from Mum? Or hit up Dad at the Ministry? Her hand stretched out in front of her and grasped the door lightly when ... it opened from the other side, causing her to fall on her ass and her skirt to ride up her bum uncomfortably.

"Mmm nice view." Harry said to her.

"I hate you." She replied, looking up at him. She started fixing her skirt and then sat up, blushing madly. "Only we could have such terrible timing!"

"You call it terrible, I call it wonderful." Harry winked at her, it was horrible.

"Don't wink at me like that, it's really corny." She reached out a hand and beckoned him to help her up.

He just stood there. "What are you doing in my house, again?" He asked.

"What do you think? Avoiding Sir B-Rad, looking for something else to do, plus you always have Cheez Its in the house." She babbled on without thinking, sit on the floor.

There was a long pause. "You're the one who has been eating all my Cheez its?!" Harry practically yelled, looking mortified and pointing at her like she was the devil.

"Er... just... kidding.........?" She smiled at him hoping it would do her case some good.

He just stood there, looking down on her with wide eyes and an opened mouth. "You are evil." He finally said after a long silence. "You. Are. Evil." He looked on the verge of tears.

"I'll... get you some more?"

Harry rubbed the the back of his neck and looked at her, finally he reached down and helped her up. Their bodies came close for a small second before he moved around her and continued into his kitchen. "I can't believe you're my Cheez It thief. How do you even get in here???"

"Harry, I've known you for so long, I'm not retarded. I know your passwords and I know what spells you use to protect you and your house. Duh." She said picking up a handful of Cheez It crackers. She stuffed them into her mouth and started chewing.

Harry just glared at her. "Stop eating my Cheez Its!!!" He cried out.

Ginny took a step back. "BUT THEY'RE SO GOOD WHEN THEY TOUCH MY LIPS!" She yelled, mouth still full of Cheez It goodness.

"I don't care! They are MINE!" Harry replied lamely, throwing his hands.

She finished swallowing and came back with, "Why are you such a drama Queen, Harry? Stop being a Cheez It WHORE. Share the love!"

"I am not a whore!" Harry whined, stomping his foot.

"Are too!"

"AM NOT!" He lunged and picked her up easily, beginning his tickle-to-death combo.

"No! Harry! .... Stop that! Bad Harry! ..... BAD HARRY!" Ginny screamed through her giggles. He had her tight in his clutches. "Harry! Please!"

"Say you won't touch my Cheez Its!"

She flailed her legs about crazily. "Never!"

"Say it!!!"

"Nooooooo!!!" She cried out dramatically.

"Say it! Or else!" He threatened, badly, continuing the tickling.

"I won't touch your Cheez Its!" She promised after taking too much.

They had landed on his couch, him on top of her. "Erm... Harry. You're touching my erm... nether regions!"

"Your what?" Harry asked, totally oblivious. Ginny just gave him a look. "Oh!!! God!" He hopped up quickly. "Sorry!"

"That's okay. You weren't really, I just wanted to do this." She said, pointing her wand towards the kitchen.

A few moments later, several Cheez It crackers flew into Ginny's mouth.

Harry looked shocked for a long time, not moving nor saying anything.

"I didn't touch them. Seee?" She said holding up her hands. "I used MAGIC!"

Draco paced the restaurant, rubbing his wrists together nervously. Karl sat in the chair munching on some crackers and sipping at a glass of water. The table was a private table, they had dinner reservations for 6:30. It was currently 7:45 and Hermione had yet to show up. A waiter walked into the small room and looked at Draco, shaking his head "no".

"Okay. Lets go home, Karl, and look for her."

"You don't think she knew what we were up to, do you?" He asked as Draco took his hand.

"No way. Something else might've happened." Draco replied, but looked even more nervous. They walked to the Floo Room in the restaurant and threw the dust into the flames. They landed shortly in the study at Malfoy Manor.

"Alright, buddy." Draco started, removing his dress jacket. "You go inform Mindy we're home and tell her we're looking for 'Mione."

"Yessir." Karl fake saluted and marched out of the room.

Draco let out a breath and walked out of the room after Karl, but moving in a different direction. He walked up a private stair case and emerged into his own bedroom.

"Mione?" He called out.

"I'm in here!" Her voice sounded from the bathroom.

"Of course." He muttered under his breath. "Why are you in the bathroom?" He said louder.

"Well, when a woman has a rough day at work, she might relax in the bathtub afterwards. It's kind of, you know, relaxing???" She called out to him, her smile on her voice.

Draco shook his head and opened the door to the bathroom. "Mione, do you remember us having dinner plans tonight?" He asked gently, moving around the corner and seeing his girlfriend emerged in a million bubbles.

Her face went from confusion to shock in less than a second. She jumped up suddenly, causing a big blob of wet bubbles to hit Draco in the face. "Draco! I am so sorry! I completely forgot!!! It's not like me to forget! I can't believe I forgot!" She rambled on as she stepped out of the tub and grabbed a towel.

"_Good goin'." _Tari said inside her head.

"Oh shut up, you old hag." Hermione commented, as she ran the towel through her hair. "Draco, give me one minute and I'll be ready. I swear. Oh! I'm so sorry!"

"Nah, it's fine. We've lost the reservations already I'm sure." He smiled at her.

She threw her towel down on the ground and stomped her foot, looking remarkably like Karl. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She shook her head.

"It's alright, love." Draco said, smiling. He took the few steps to get closer to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Though..."

"Yes?" She encouraged, placing her head on his shoulder.

"There was something I was going to do, but now I feel I can't do it because the mood isn't right."

"Don't do that." Hermione pulled back and pointed at him. "You know I can't resist!!!"

"I wanted to do it so badly, but we can't do it _here_." He continued to tease.

"Draco!!!" Hermione hit his shoulder gently. "Don't do that! I want to know, I want to know!"

He picked her up and stepped into the tub, pushing her against the wall. "I was going to do this with Karl present, but you're not dressed for anyone but me."

Hermione smiled as she wrapped her legs around his waist. "Draco, don't make me beg...."

"But I love it so when you beg!" He bit down on her neck and caused her to giggle. His clothes were starting to soak up water as he pushed himself against her wet body. "I was thinking...."

Hermione looked at him intensely and bit down on her bottom lip. "Yes, Draco?"

"I don't like your name." He said, shaking his head as if disappointed.

"What?!" Hermione questioned, the look of confusion on her face again. "I like my name, it's original!"

"Not really, I mean Granger is just terribly _boring_ don't you think? My thought is that we should change it... to Malfoy." His eyes were sparkling and a small smile danced on his lips.

She inhaled sharply and looked at him for a long moment. "Draco... are you proposing to me?"

"Only if you say yes." He grinned, leaning in and kissing her lips lightly. He pulled back and reached into his right pocket, bringing out a ring.

"Oh my gods! Draco you're proposing to me!" Hermione screamed.

"Only if you say yes!"

"Yes! YES!" She screamed, digging her head into his shoulder, hugging him tighter than before. "Oh Draco! Your biceps are so huge!"

"Er-"

"SO HUGE!" She scream again.

"Draco?" Hermione's voice came through. "Draco, wake up. You're having a weird dream. Draco! Wake up!"

"Huhblerockface.... monster... biceps? WHAT?" Draco sat up in his bed and blinked several times.

Hermione was laying down next to him, looking up at him with a slightly crazed look. "Are you alright? Draco?" She reached up and put her hand on his forehead and immediately, he began to calm down.

"Yes." He whispered, his voice cracking a bit. He cleared his throat and leaned back down on his pillows. "That was... weird."

"What were you dreaming about?" Hermione asked him, scooting further down in her comforter, preparing to get back to sleep.

"Um... well... nothing. It's really nothing, I wasn't doing anything." He said quickly, turning over on his side, facing away from her.

"Alright then. Good night."

"_What the fuck was that?" _He thought.

Meanwhile, across town.... Ron had fallen asleep in his dress robes, drool pooling on his shoulder, a cold ring untouched in his pocket, sitting at his kitchen table when he was awoken suddenly to a very pissed off Pansy Parkinson.

"RONALD!!!" She screeched, rushing through his front door.

"Wha-?!" He mumbled, jolting awake. "What's up?"

"Why won't your door man let me through?! I had to beat him with my purse to get up here!!!" She yelled, her voice reaching a high pitch unheard by humans.

A moment later, a very disgruntled doorman appeared, out of breath and pointing at Pansy. "Sir, I tried... very.... very... hard.... not to let her in.... at your... request....." He said, leaning against the wall and taking large breaths.

"Why can't I come in, Ron? You invite me to dinner and then tell your doorman not to allow me entrance?!" Pansy then made a growling noise that thoroughly scared the pants of Ron.

"What? NO. That's not- gods. No. Leo, I said to make _sure_ you let her in." He said slowly. "Not 'Don't let her in!' I was wondering where you were!" Ron said in defense.

Pansy let out a winded, "Oh." She wiped a small amount of sweat off her forehead and sat down at the kitchen table. "I see."

"Sorry, Leo." Ron apologized handing him a small tip and closing the door as he left. "Sorry, Pansy."

"I'm sorry, too. I just had a rotten day." She gave him a weary smile. "I was running late and then I couldn't get in-plus I'm starving." She added, picking up a bread stick that had long since gone cold.

Ron walked the few steps towards Pansy and got down on both knees. He wrapped his arms around her stomach and pressed his lips to her neck, feeling her chest rise to push against his.

"Ronald." She giggled. "What are you up to?"

"Umm, you hate liars so I'll be frank. I'm definitely trying to get into your pants." He mumbled against her jaw, pressing smooth kisses all the way up to her ear.

"You really have a way with words, don't you?" She teased.

"Only with you." He growled, biting down on her lips and kissing them afterwards.

Once again, Pansy was thinking about marriage. Part of herself hated it. The other part was in giggles. Why him? The first part asked. Why Ron? He wasn't rich, he wasn't sophisticated, he wasn't anything her mother would have approved of. The giggling part said that was part of the appeal. Ron was nothing like the other men she had dated, all the other men who had proposed to her and she had turned down quickly without hesitation. Pansy _was_ rich, Pansy _was_ sophisticated, Pansy was probably something _his_ mother would never approve of. Why did it fit?

As images of a wedding and Ron in an incredibly expensive and well tailored dress suit flashed in her head, Ron leaned up and picked Pansy up with him.

"What do you say?" He spoke suddenly, breaking off his wonderful kisses. "You make my bed wet, and I'll heat up some food for you afterwards?"

"Oh, you and your words Ron. You and your words."

**

* * *

**

Author's Note: I'm on VACATION. I thought I would update, since I've been putting it off for far, far too long. There are many things I want to say. The first is that I love you people for reviewing this story, Druidess Part II is already getting a lot more attention than the first one did and it only has 4 chapters up now! So far, I have more reviews per chapter in Druidess Part II than any other story. YAY. You guys rock my socks. The second thing, it's been months since I updated, but I have absolutely no intention of not finishing this story, or my other two stories. I just keep getting distracted!

**I don't own anything!**

**The last thing, I was thinking about making this story a bit more 'graphic' if you know what I mean??? What do you guys think? Any feedback? Thanks for reviewing! The update will be along soon! I promise! Hearts!!!**


	5. Spousal Abuse

Druidess Part II

Don't Touch My Stick

Chapter 5: Spousal Abuse

* * *

"Oh my gods, oh my gods." Hermione muttered over and over again under her breath. She scrambled to gather her work items: a couple of folders, her wand, her medi-witch white hat, her missing work shoe (if she had one, she could find the other!) and a hair band to put up her hair since she lacked time for a shower. "Oh gods!!!" She cried out frustratingly, stomping a foot at the same time. "Where is my wand?!"

Her office at Malfoy Manor was completely chaotic, books thrown about in a state of disorganization, papers scattered mindlessly across her desk, the green and white sofa cushions were in the wrong places and the curtains that usually settled happily over the window were uneven and in need of a good dusting.

"My waaaaand!!!" Hermione yelled in agony before diving in the cluttered pile that was her office and continuing her search. Hearing the yells of his girlfriend, Draco had made his way to the room and stood at the door watching with amusement.

"Put it on... my desk... last night.... in it's BOX!" She continued muttering as she threw a chair out of her way which clanged on the floor at Draco's feet.

"Hey! Watch it, no spousal abuse in this house woman!" Draco cried out as the chair skidded to a halt a foot away from him.

"Spousal? I'm not your spouse. That is incorrect word usage." Hermione pointed out, moving on to her desk where she pushed papers out of the way, most of which floated to the floor.

"Hermione, is there a reason why you're destroying your office?" Draco asked, picking up the thrown chair and setting it up right.

"I..." She opened a drawer in her desk and rummaged through it before slamming it shut and sitting down in her chair. "I can't find my wand. It's gone." A look of genuine worry etched across her face.

"Really?" Draco walked into the office finally, stepping over the wreckage and standing in front of her. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." She answered, crossing her arms and giving a pout in his direction. "Now I'm going to be late for work and when I get there, I won't be able to do anything because I need my wand to do magic and you can't heal without magic and you need to be able to put on splints and conjure potions and file folders and clean off blood and-"

"Okay," Draco put his hand over her mouth. "I get it. It's okay." He leaned down, looking into her big eyes. "Take deep breaths."

Hermione reached up with her arms and moved his hand off her mouth. "I can't breathe if your hand is over my face, Draco." He flashed her a Malfoy's grin.

"Do you want to be my spouse?" He asked randomly, his face inches from hers.

"What?" Her big eyes got bigger.

"Hey look, there's your wand." He dodged the question and reached for the wand, which was sticking out from under the opening on the bottom of the bookshelf.

"What?" Her voice cracked.

"You'll be late for work if you don't hurry up!"

"What?"

"Just marry me!" He cried pathetically.

"Draco! I'm a lesbian! I can't get married to man..."

"Wait... what?"

"I can't marry you, you have herpes!"

"AHHHH!" Draco sat up in his bed, eyes wide and having trouble getting air.

"Draco?!" Hermione sat up with him a second later, clutching onto his arm. "Draco? Are you alright? What's wrong? What happened? Are you hurting?" She spit off questions quickly, moving one of her hands up to his forehead.

The blond took a breath and looked slowly at her, gave her a grimace and then ducked back over the covers. "You lesbian!" He cried out before covering his ears and forcing himself back to sleep.

Harry shook Ginny's shoulder. "Ginny. Ginny! Wake up. Your mother is here and she's accusing me of 'bedding her only daughter before marriage!' Really, Gin. Wake up!"

Ginny grinned before opening her eyes. She had been sleeping on Harry's couch for the past week, despite the whole "Cheez-It incident. "Did you?" _I hope_. She thought.

"Did I what?" Harry asked with confusion, still leaning over her.

"Bed me." She stuck her tongue out at him. As usual, Harry freaked out and took off into another room.

Stretching, she pushed away the blanket she slept with and stood up reaching for her jeans. "Mom! I'm in here." She threw her hair up in a bun and straightened out the couch.

"Oh, Ginevra!" Mrs. Weasley walked into the room with her usual motherly presence, carrying a tray of food and looking worried.

"Please don't call me that, mother!" Ginny pleaded, waving her hands around. "Not in front of Harry!"

"What's going on, dear? With Harry?" Mrs. Weasley asked, ignoring Ginny's request and setting the food down on the coffee table. "Why are you so skinny? You need to eat more!"

"I eat too much!"

"Not enough!!! Here I made breakfast with what I could find. Now, tell me why you're sleeping on his couch. Did you get evicted from your place? Can you not afford the rent? Your father is very disappointed that you choose to live with Harry in your time of need instead of coming home to the Burrow!" Mrs. Weasley chatted off quickly.

"Mum. It's not like that... I just didn't want to go back to the apartment for my own reasons. If I did get kicked out, which I won't, but if I did, I would go home to the Burrow before any where else." Ginny explained, sitting back down on the couch and stuffing what must have been ten biscuits into her mouth at once.

"Ginny, that's not lady like." Her mother chastised, also sitting down.

"Nope, and I don't care. And I know it wasn't dad who was "disappointed" by my staying here at Harry's. You're just begging for an excuse to see me because Bill and Fleur won't let you keep their children all to yourself." She teased.

After a moment passed, Harry walked out with a basket full of dirty clothes. He set the basket down and then said, "Here you go. That's all of it."

"Oh please don't tell me this is what I think it looks like." Ginny suppressed a laugh.

"Ginevra, don't get started." Mrs. Weasley gave her a warning glare.

"Harry you get my mum to do your laundry?" Ginny asked.

"Erm..." Harry looked between the two red heads and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "No..."

Ginny just laughed as Harry ducked back into his room.

"Why do you tease him like that? It can't be healthy." Mrs. Weasley asked as she busied herself with dusting the timid living room.

"He loves it."

Hermione arrived back at Malfoy Manor after a long day at the hospital. She took off her shoes and walked for the kitchen, starving. She found Draco and Karl there, snacking and playing some kind of hand game. She folded her jacket over the chair and watched happily. She loved coming home to this.

"Hey guys." She called out and walked towards them.

Draco gasped, obviously startled. "Oh. Hermione. Right. I gotta go!" He said, attempting to bolt for the door.

"Wait! Draco... where are you going?" Hermione asked, putting a hand on his shoulder before he could get out of the room.

"Yea! Where are you going, sore loser? Just because I'm winning doesn't mean you can ditch me." Karl laughed holding up his thumb, tauntingly.

"I just... have to go! You should come with me Karl! For your safety!" Draco exclaimed, again trying to leave the room.

"What?" Hermione gave him a weird look before poking him hard in the ribs, causing Draco to laugh a little. "What's going on?" She asked stepping closer to him, looking at his face.

"Nothing! I just have to go!" He pushed.

"I don't believe you. You won't spend any time with me lately, what's up?!" Hermione argued.

"Nothing is 'up'!" He countered back. "Really!"

Hermione gave him a 'I-don't-believe-you-even-in-the-slightest-little-bit" look. "Last night, you called me a lesbian."

"What's a lesbian?" Karl asked innocently.

"Nothing!" Draco and Hermione said at the same time.

"We can't talk about this now." Draco said, turning to Hermione. "Not in front of him."

"Fine then lets talk. Stop avoiding me." She replied in a harsh tone.

"Fine! Karl go away."

Karl hopped off his stool and marched towards the door before he stopped and said to them, "Adults. Just get over it. By Merlin." And then he left.

"What's wrong?" Hermione questioned, forcing Draco to look her in the eye.

"Nothing." He replied, still trying to avoid the conversation.

"Nothing? I don't believe you, Draco. I know you too well."

"I swear..."

"Alright, how about the fact we haven't had sex in weeks? Or you keep having nightmares but won't share them with me? You called me a lesbian... you called me a lesbian..."

Draco was silent for a minute.

"You called me a lesbian." Hermione said again with the same bewildered tone.

"I know! I'm sorry... but are you?"

"Am I what?"

"A lesbian?"

"No! Draco!!!" Hermione cried out looking at him like he was insane. "Do you even know what a lesbian is?"

"Of course I know what a lesbian is! They are crazy women who attack and kill men and then feed the dead bodies to their children." He explained.

Silence.

"Draco, you're an idiot." Hermione stalked over to the pantry and started looking for something to eat, the entire time shaking her head and saying under her breath, "Idiot. Complete idiot."

"Why? Isn't that what a lesbian is?"

"NO!"

"Well... how was I supposed to know?"

The comment infuriated Hermione. "UGH. What's wrong with you!?"

"There's nothing WRONG with me? What's wrong with YOU?" Draco knew he was being irrational, but couldn't stop himself.

"There's nothing wrong with me, I had a decent day which you haven't even asked me about by the way. I came home and saw my family happily playing thumb wars in the kitchen, waiting for me to cook dinner and everything was great! But no, you just have to be the self-absorbed jerk you can't suppress and you ruined the whole image! And you won't even tell me what's bothering you!" She vented.

"I WANT TO MARRY YOU!" Draco screamed at the top of his lungs. It just poured out.

More silence. And then... the voice in her head, the voice she usually found enjoyable, started laughing. A moment later, she heard something crash in the distance and she thought about her relationship with Draco. Was it crashing?

But noticing the face on Draco go from annoyance and defeat to confusion and worry and then...

"Draco! DAD!!!"

"Karl!!" Draco and Hermione yelled at the same time before rushing out of the kitchen and in the direction they could hear crying.

"Mom!!!"

Draco reached the bathroom first and wrenched the door open so fast and so forcefully the door almost came off its hinges. Hermione ran in behind him and took in the scene. The glass cabinet, which stood six feet high, had fallen over on Karl, the woodwork pinning him on the ground. The glass had shattered and was cutting him up badly.

"Draco!" Hermione shouted out. "Get the cabinet off him, I'll be right back!" And she rushed up the flight of stairs and into her office, grabbing the door to her safe and pulling out a couple of vials. Making sure she had her wand, she rushed back downstairs.

Draco levitated the cabinet up and away and turned all the glass into sand. "'Mione, what do I do now?" He asked as she rushed in and dropped to her knees by Karl.

"Clean up the blood." She looked over Karl as the blood and remaining sand disappeared. "Okay, Karl. Deep breaths. I think your leg is broken and maybe your nose. Oh you poor child. Drink this." She poured two vials down his mouth. "The pain will go away in a second, Karl. I promise."

"Moommmm...." Karl sobbed.

"Draco, hold his hand." Hermione ordered and then picked up her wand, pointed it at the broken leg and reset it magically. Then she wrapped it with bandages.

Draco grabbed onto Karl's hand and held it tight. "Sssshhh, buddy. It'll be alright. It'll be alright. You know 'Mione's the best healer."

"His nose is so badly mangled. The cabinet must have hit him at just the right angle." Hermione observed, as she used her wand to fix the nose. "He's cut badly on his neck, see?" She pointed out the wound. "Plus all the little cuts over his face and arms from the glass.

Hermione grabbed onto Karl's other hand and held it for several minutes as the voice in her head pointed out more and more cuts. "It's going to be okay Karl." She said comfortingly, soothingly. Draco noted how she sounded so much like a mother in the moment. The little cuts slowly began to fade away as Hermione pushed her magic through the room.

"Feel a little better?" Hermione asked, smiling gently down at him.

"A little." He replied, lifting his arms up.

"Alright, keep your leg straight." She warned, hugging him and bringing him into her lap. Draco sat down next to her and wrapped his arms around both of them and then he started humming.

After an hour, when Karl had fallen asleep, Draco asked, "Should we take him to St. Mungo's?"

"No," Hermione answered softly. "He's fine; we should take him to bed though and let him get some rest."

"Alright." Draco smiled at her and stood up. He took Karl out of her arms and carefully maneuvered out of the room. Hermione stood and followed after him quickly.

In Karl's room, Draco pulled the comforter up to his neck and tucked him in carefully, avoiding causing the boy anymore pain. Hermione watched from a distance, leaning against the doorframe.

Feeling satisfied Draco turned around and headed for Hermione, giving her an intense stare. She half-feared he was going to start fighting with her again, continuing from where they left off. But that didn't happen; instead he grabbed her and pulled her out of the room. He closed Karl's door and picked her up. "Draco?" She asked timidly.

"Shh." He commanded. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her to him, tightly. He pushed her against a stray wall, her skirt rising up passed her knees and up her thighs. He forced her legs around his hips and pushed his body against hers. His face rested against her neck and then he started talking.

"Every night, for a couple of weeks I dream about proposing to you and then something bad happens or something weird happens. And it seems to be getting progressively worse. I wasn't even thinking about it before the dreams and it makes so much sense."

Hermione rested her head on his head and continued listening.

"What am I supposed to do? I was raised not to marry someone like you, I was raised to have my own children... if my father was here or... gods forbid... Aunt Bella... they would murder me in cold blood because all I want is you and Karl. I want you to be my family." He whispered against her skin, giving her goose bumps.

"I love you Hermione Granger." He pulled her even closer.

"I love you, Draco. I love you."

**

* * *

**

Author's Note: So, I put this note on my profile as well, but not everyone reads profiles constantly, so here it is. My computer got toasted. Literally. The contents of my hard drive are probably gone forever. And what exactly were the contents of my hard drive? Oh lets see... three fresh chapters of Druidess Part II, two for Do You Want To Tango? and two for Riven. That's right. I'm an idiot for not just uploading it onto fanfiction dot net. I usually wait until it's beta'd. But now they're gone forever. So, I have to rewrite. And this time, I'm posting as I go. At least I know the direction I'm heading with my stories. A slim silver line if you ask me. I'm so angry. But here's chapter 5, if you liked it or hate it or have any suggestions, please leave a review.

**As usual, I own nothing! Boo!**

**Hearts!!!**


	6. Diminuendo Innuendo

Druidess Part II

Don't Touch My Stick

Chapter 6: Diminuendo Innuendo

* * *

"_Just do it... Just do it. You're a Weasley, you aren't scared of anything!"_ Ginny told herself as she paced outside Sir B-Rad's office. _"The season is almost over... he has months to hire a new assistant!"_ Her helpful thoughts weren't helping. She started tapping her foot in annoyance. _"IF YOU DON'T DO THIS NOW, YOU WILL BE HIS ASSIST FOREVER!!!" _With the word forever ringing in her head, and images of her being 145 years old and still bringing coffee to the completely self absorbed loser that was her boss, Ginny marched into his office and sat down with attitude!

"Boss. I don't want to be your assistant next year. I'm moving on!"

Sir B-Rad's eye twitched. "I don't understand why you don't love me anymore!!"

"... I never loved you! I hate working for you!"

"That's not what you said last night!"

Ginny almost fell out of her chair. "I didn't work last night, you idiot!"

"Sure you did, in your dreams baby!"

"Stop talking to me like that! I don't want to work for you, I quit. Good bye!"

"NO YOU CAN'T LEAVE!" Sir B-Rad screamed and jumped out of his chair and practically threw himself at Ginny.

Ginny let out a very audible groan as she hid behind the guest chair in Sir B-Rad's office, dodging the onslaught of attacks.

"TELL ME WHY!!!"

"Because!" Ginny cried out. "You're awful! I hate working for you!" She repeated.

"NO! You love it! I need you Ginny!" Sir B-Rad exclaimed, advancing on her position. She was trapped!

"No, I hate it! It's the worst job!"

"Noooo! I need you!" He grabbed onto her shoulders. "You cannot deny all the sexual frustration between us!"

"Sexual frustration?!?! I call it hostile irritation!" She grabbed onto his shoulders and started pushing him away. Fat chance that would work, Mr. International Quidditch Player. "Sir B-Rad, if you don't let go of me..."

"What will you do? Tie me up?" He wiggled his eyebrows. "Spank me? Ahhh that's good, spank me! Spank me hard!"

Ginny took a moment to look at her boss with an Oh-My-God-Sexual-Harassment face. And then... "Yeah! I'll spank you, with my wand. Just let me get it." Ginny replied as she gave into the game and smiling the cheesiest smile she could conjure.

Sir B-Rad let go of her shoulders and clapped like a child about to get a Christmas present. "This is so exciting! I've been dreaming of this for soooo long!!"

"Well, you're definitely going to get what you deserve!" Ginny spoke as she reached her jacket and pulled out her wand. She turned around, wand at the ready and pointed it at him. "Turn around and close your eyes." Softly, diabolically. The Weasley inside Ginny was jumping up and down with anticipation while chanting, _'GET 'EM! GET 'EM!'_

Sir B-Rad, so oblivious to Ginny's true nature, turned around, dropped his pants, and bent over revealing his shiny, hairless ass.

"Yeah, that's it." She faked, aiming her wand just right. This was her only chance! "Alright, now... spread those beautiful cheeks apart!"

Her employer squealed with delight as he used his hands to spread open his butt cheeks.

'_Aww,' _thought Ginny. _'It's already so tiny... too bad I have to-'_ _"DIMINUENDO!"_

A navy bluish stream of light burst from the end of her wand and straight at Sir B-Rad's assets, causing him to jump up.

"What did you do?!" He called out, putting his hands protectively over his goodies as they started to shrink... and shrink... and shrink.

"Ooops." Ginny shrugged innocently. "I guess now would be a really bad time to..." She pulled a camera out of no where. "Take a little picture?" SNAP.

"NOO!!!" Sir B-Rad cried out dramatically, diving for the camera while simultaneously keeping his package covered which caused him to lose balance and fall flat on his face. What grace for a Quidditch player!

"Uh uh uhhhh!" Ginny shook her index finger back and forth. "None of that now." She said, looking down on him as he looked up pathetically from his place on the floor.

"You... you... you can't do that! It's in the contract! You aren't allowed to use magic on me unless I give you permission!" He _tried_ defending himself.

"You're to one that wanted me to, ahem, spank you! Spank you hard!" Ginny pushed the big red button located on the front of her camera and out popped a moving photograph of Sir B-Rad's Penis and Co. shrinking rapidly. "Doesn't matter anyways." Ginny stated firmly. "I quit! And I think I'll go pay my good friend Rita a visit! It's been ages!"

And with that, Ginny left and Sir B-Rad whimpered meekly on the floor as he noticed his toes were now larger than his penis.

_I'm so bored._

_Hermione groaned. The hospital was empty, creepy and empty. She picked up a book and flipped through the pages._

_You've read this one before._

Hermione put the book down and picked up another one.

_This one, too!_

Hermione closed her eyes and then gently set the book back down on the pile by her desk. She thought about organizing them into books she needs to read and books she's already read, in alphabetical order by author. But then she realized, with a frown, that she already read them all. And then, with an even bigger frown, realized they were already stacked up by author.

_Why don't you write a book, then?_

"I'm not talking to you."

_Well you might as well, there's nothing else to do. _

"I have plenty of work I can do."

_Like what? There's nothing left to do in this hospital but scrub floors. _

"Get out of my head so I can think about Draco."

Silence.

"That's more like it." She crossed her arms over her desk and rested her head on them, closing her eyes and letting herself begin to day dream.

"He proposed didn't he?" She asked her head quietly.

_Well, I would think when someone asks you to marry them that they are proposing to you..._

"I thought I asked you to go away?"

_You're not the only one bored. _

"Will you always be in my head?"

_When a person dies, their body no longer functions._

"Obviously..."

_But their soul goes on, you know this. Their thoughts go on forever, too. Especially if their thoughts are worthwhile._

"And someone thought your thoughts were worthwhile?"

_If I do say so myself..._

"Don't. I'm just thinking... if he proposed... where's my ring?!" Hermione shrugged as if to exaggerate her point.

_It wasn't a traditional proposal. You might have to badger him about the ring._

"Men..."

The door opened, startling Hermione and causing her to jump into sitting position. At the familiar sight of red hair, she smiled.

"Hey Ron. How are you doing?" She asked, standing up to hug him. They embraced for a second before he sat down in the chair facing her desk.

"I need advice, 'Mione."

"Alright, shoot." She said with a grin, moving herself so that she was directly in front of Ron, leaning against her desk.

"What do you think?" He pulled out a super tiny, red velvet box.

"Ohhh! Jewelry? For Pansy?" She asked with a thrill in her voice.

"Kind of." Ron said just as she opened the box. Inside the box, literally almost blinding Hermione was, with no perceivable doubt, an engagement ring.

"Wow. Ron..."

"Yes, Hermione?" He was sitting on the edge of his seat, biting down on his bottom lip.

"I'm not an idiot." She whispered, mostly to herself. _Does MRS. Parkinson get a ring before you do?! Gwahahahaha!_

"I know you're the most brilliant witch of our generation." Ron complimented, breaking her thoughts.

"And therefore I know you can't afford this."

"I know. I'm double broke and I think I owe the salesman my firstborn."

"How did you...? I mean... it's... well..." Hermione mumbled despite not having anything to say. _You're jealous! You're jealous!_

"Well, Mum did me a huge favor and borrowed some money from Aunt Muriel." He shuddered.

"That _is_ a favor!"

"Plus I borrowed a little money from dad, a little money from Bill, a little money from George, and then of course, my firstborn child." Ron sighed with wide eyes.

"But this ring..."

"It's from the 1930's."

"Looks beautiful," Hermione persisted. "2 carats, I think."

"That's right." Ron replied, nodding. "2 carats, platinum band, 8 mini diamonds on the side."

"Erm... 'mini' diamonds?" Hermione teased.

"Yeah, mini diamonds. Do you think Pansy will like it?? I can trade it in maybe..." Ron started bouncing up and down nervously.

"Ron, this ring screams Pansy."

"Really?" Ron let out a breath. "Oh good."

"Ron... how are you going to propose?"

"That's why I'm here!" Ron said, a little too loudly. "Sorry. Haha. Sorry. I'm just so nervous and I can't get it out of me. And I have no idea how to ask her because she told me she never wants to get married!"

"She said that?" Hermione asked, looking up suddenly. "Really?"

"Yea. She doesn't want to get married. She and Malfoy have told me story after story about how guys have asked her for marriage, how they brought this expensive ring and that expensive ring and she's turned them down flat, like that!" His voice raising an octave. "I mean, I don't even know why I bought it! I think she has some kind of ancient family spell or curse... yeah... CURSE on her so that when she's dating, the guy is just fucked! He just HAS to ask. I've been carrying this ring around for four weeks and I have no idea what to do!!!" Ron let out in one breath, his voice squeaking.

"Okay! Calm down! INHALE RONALD!" Hermione ordered, placing her free hand on his shoulder.

After several moments of deep, deep breathing Ron looked up at Hermione and pouted. "I really want to take the next step with Pansy, but I don't want to end because of my greed."

"I could hardly call you greedy, Ron. How much did this ring cost?"

Ron opened his mouth to say something when the door opened abruptly. "'Mione lets do it on your de-" Came Draco's voice.

Hermione jumped slightly, causing the ring in her hand to propel into the air.

"Noooo!" Ron called out diving for the ring.

"Oh my!!!" Hermione put both her hands over her mouth in surprise and Draco just looked at them both like they were retarded.

"Er... what's going on?" He asked, eyeing the two, seeing Ron emerge from beneath his chair with a shiny object in his hand.

"IT'S OKAY! THE RING... IS OKAY!" Ron screamed.

Draco looked closer at the ring and then looked at Hermione. "Are you proposing to my woman!?"

"DO-wha???" Ron almost fell over again as he comprehended the question. "I'm not proposing to Hermione! That's gross!"

"Ugh!" Hermione slapped Ron on the side of his head. "And that's rude!"

"I'm just saying I would never propose to you...because it gross." He added quietly.

Draco eyed Ron suspiciously as he hugged Hermione. "What's going on in here? Why does he have a ring?"

"He's going to propose to Pansy." Hermione stated, almost proudly, forgetting her temporary envious thoughts.

Draco looked from Hermione, to Ron, to the ring before he burst out into a serious fit of laughter. "You're gonna- you're gonna... BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"Draco! That's not polite! Stop laughing at him." Hermione chastised. But her reprimanding only made him laugh harder.

"Oh man. Oh man." Draco fell into the chair Ron previously occupied and continued laughing, unable to control himself. "Wow. That was special."

"I'll say." Hermione glared at him as her arms crossed.

"Look, go ahead. And, seriously, good luck. But you've got to be one dumb sister-toucher to think Pansy would ever say 'Yes' to marriage!"

"Did you just say 'Sister-toucher'?" Ron asked with a disgusted look on his face.

"Yes, I did. I felt the situation presented at hand deserved the phrase use of: 'Sister-toucher'."

Before Hermione could seriously slap Draco for such foul mouthing, the door to her office opened again and Ginny appeared.

"Hey 'Mione!!!" Ginny bounced in, clearly pleased about something. "I had the best day. Hey guys. What's going on? Is it Party Time?" She asked, beginning to jig to an unheard tune.

"Ginny?" Ron said slowly, "Are you high of Dragongrass or something?"

"No. I'm just so happy!" She exclaimed, jumping into the air with her arms thrown out in front of her.

"Why are you so happy?" Hermione asked, walking over and feeling her head.

"I quit! And I got the best blackmail! I'm so happy!" She whispered excitedly, practically tackling Hermione into a hug.

"Yeah, you mentioned the being happy part." Hermione gently patted the other girl.

"Hey Ron!" Ginny suddenly yelled. "What's that?!" She pointed to his hand.

"Oh." Ron went white. "I'm going to propose to Pansy." As he stated it, Draco burst out into a whole set of giggles.

"My sides... hurt... so good...."

"RON!" Ginny let go on Hermione and threw herself onto her brother. "I'm so happy for you!!!"

"She... really is high." Draco commented, before giggling again. Just a little bit this time.

"Or... you're really high." Hermione glared.

"You love it." He replied, puckering his lips together and making kissing sounds.

Again, the office door creaked open and Ron quickly pushed the ring back into his pocket as Harry walked in.

"Erm... there are a lot of people in here..." Timidly, he closed the door and looked at the occupants of the room. "Hi. My name's Harry Potter and I'm a Saving-The-World-O-Holic since I was one."

"Hi Harry." Everyone said and then started laughing.

"I just stopped by to get some advice.... Hey, what's that you put in your pocket, Ron?" Harry asked, as he moved to stand by Ginny.

"Oh. It's... a... ring." He whispered as quietly as he could.

"A ring??!!" Ron pulled out the object he spoke of and handed it to Harry lightly. "Oh wow... it's shiny."

"I didn't spend that much for something that's _just_ shiny." Ron pouted, again.

"Why are you all in here, anyways?" Harry asked curiously, handing the ring back to Ron.

Before anyone could answer the door opened, yet again.

"Wow, who's coming in this time?" Hermione asked, moving towards the door. "OH HEY IT'S PANSY!!!" She screamed upon seeing the blond. Ron automatically ducked behind Hermione's desk and Draco and Harry tackled him in haste. Ginny stood there awkwardly, watching as they tumbled around.

"It's almost like gay porn. Almost..." She said in wonderment, her head tilting to the side to get a different angle.

Pansy, who Hermione had grabbed onto by the arm to keep her from stepping any further into the office, gave a nervous laugh. "Hermione, dear... what are you doing?"

"Ooohh.. Nothing. Please come in Pansy. What are you up too?"

"I need some... guy advice maybe. Oh... hey everyone. What's going on? Why is everyone piling up behind your desk, Hermy?" Pansy stood watching the event with probing eyes.

"Ummm...." They all said in unison.

"There was a spider." Hermione lied on the spot, badly. "I'm terrified of spiders ever since that big... yellow... one......"

Pansy just looked from person to person. "What's going on? Really? Why is everyone here?"

"Well, you've all come for advice, apparently. Since I can't do it all at once, maybe you guys should line up outside the door or something." Hermione took charge. "Well, except for Ginny who is just under the influence."

"I resent that! I'm just HAPPY!"

"Anyways... who's first? Oh right, Ron was here-"

"MARRY ME PANSY!" Ron's voice came out from the mass of men.

Pansy looked towards the desk and dropped her purse at the same time. "What???"

Draco, standing up, started howling with laughter.

Harry stood up after Draco and stepped to the side.

Ron lay on the ground, looking up at Pansy and holding out the ring as if it were Excalibur.

"Ma-ma-marry?" Pansy stuttered out.

Ron let out an anguish filled moan and sat up. He started hammering his head on the edge of the desk.

"Ronald, I do believe you could have presented that question at a much better time..." Hermione whispered as Draco fell into her shoulder, still laughing hysterically.

"I'm-such-an-idiot-I-can't-believe-I'm-so-dumb-gah!-Gah!-Gah!-Gah!"

"Ron, stop." Pansy set down next to him and took his face in her hands. "Your face is entirely too pretty for you to do that!"

"You think my face is pretty?" Ron asked pathetically.

"Yes!" Pansy exclaimed with a sincere smile.

"I think your face is pretty, too!"

"Oh my god that was so cheesy." Ginny whispered loudly to Hermione.

"Okay!" Pansy cried out. "Let's get married!"

"What?"

"Really?"

"Whoa!"

"CHEESY!!!!"

**

* * *

**

Author's Note: Hey all. I don't own anything, as usual. I don't even own the great phrase: "Sister-toucher". I stole that one from my dad, who I believe stole it from Stephen King. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. There's only a couple more chapters left to this story. It's a shortie! I also hope that if you read all the way through my chapter, that you'll review as well. I got hardly any feedback last chapter and that's my favorite thing: FEEDBACK! I don't own anything! Hearts!


	7. Tie Those Knots Or Not

Druidess Part II

Don't Touch My Stick

Chapter 7: Tie Those Knots-Or Not

* * *

Laughter filled the air as Karl dropped under Draco's outstretched arms and rolled away, before jumping right back up and taking off in a whole new direction. Draco whipped around and dived after him, holding out the boy's dress robes. "Alas!" Karl cried out in a deep voice. "You'll never catch me alive!"

Hermione laughed as she sat at a small vanity mirror, watching the whole thing in the reflection.

"Karl!" Draco fumed. "If you don't get in your dress robes, it's _me_ Aunt Pansy's going to kill. Not you! Not Hermione. Me! I will be dead. And then you'll be stuck with Hermione! FOREVER!"

"Hey." Hermione turned around and threw her shoe at Draco, which he easily dodged. "I resent that. I believe I'm an excellent role model for Karl. I'm intelligent, brave, and good natured."

Draco paused in his pursue for a second to wrinkle his face dramatically. "I don't need you rubbing your Gryffindor tendencies in his face. I'm not sure which house his parents were in, so I'm trying to pump as much Slytherin into him as I can."

Karl continued running around in circles. "I bet they were in Hufflepuff." Hermione teased, watching Karl as he expertly eluded capture again.

"Dear lord." Draco feigned fainting, falling to the ground and throwing his arms over his face.

"Haha. I'm kidding, Draco. Relax. Though, Karl's a smart kid, I would be willing to bet Ravenclaw?" Hermione wondered curiously as she applied a minimal amount of make up to her eye lid.

"Slytherin, Karl." Draco grabbed onto his ankle and brought him down, attempting to push the dress robes over Karl's head.

"You can be in whatever house you want to be in, Karl." Hermione grinned challengingly, looking over her shoulder at Draco and Karl as they wrestled around.

"Yeah, any house that's called Slytherin." Draco huffed as Karl easily maneuvered out of Draco's reach and starting running around the room again.

"Why would anyone want to be in Slytherin? Their common room is in the dungeons, under the lake. I bet it's dreadfully cold." Hermione wondered out loud.

"How do you know where the common room is?" Draco stopped again, giving her a curious look before chasing Karl again.

Hermione just grinned. "I experimented with Polyjuice Potion in second year. Though I've never actually been down there, I got the details from Harry and Ron." She informed.

"I want to be in Gryffindor!" Karl exclaimed suddenly as he dunked under Draco's arms and ran towards Hermione.

"Nooooo!" Draco stopped mid-stride and dropped the dress robes, then put his hands on his face in agony. "I've failed as a parent!"

Hermione just laughed as Karl climbed up into her lap. "That's my boy." She grabbed a hairbrush and started running it through his messy brown hair.

"I want to be in Gryffindor because my favorite color is RED! THE COLOR OF BLOOD!" Karl proceeded to pick up Hermione wand and pretend to sword fight with it. "Roar!!! I'll slay the pirates and the Ministry of Magic officials and save the Princess!" He laughed as he jabbed the wand in Draco's direction. Hermione and Draco both gave a strangled chortle at the Ministry of Magic comment.

But the laughter stopped when bright sparks flew from the tip of Hermione's wand- and straight towards Draco's hair. In shock, Karl dropped the wand, which fell to the ground with an audible _plop_ as they watched the sparks land on a single stand of Draco's white blond hair.

"What just happened?" Draco asked putting his hand on his head. "Am I on fire?!" A second passed by and the strand turned a deep maroon color. Another second passed by and the hairs around that one hair also turned maroon. With each second, more hairs turned into the brazen red color.

"Oh... that's priceless." Hermione laughed watching the event before her.

"What's happening?" Draco asked again. He walked over to the vanity mirror and...

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Karl fell to the floor and started laughing, rolling around in a fit of giggles.

"Oh, honey." Hermione started, holding back her laughter but unable to stop her face from lighting up, putting a hand over her mouth. "It's Gryffindor red, definitely."

"Why me?" Draco walked backwards, unable to keep his eyes of his reflection. "Why me?!"

"I should let Karl play with my wand more often- that was the best accidental magic I've ever seen. High five!" Hermione held up her hand which Karl slapped playfully.

Draco glared. "Traitor!" And then he reached over and grabbed his own wand and pointed it threateningly at Hermione's head.

"You-You wouldn't!" She gasped holding her hands up in surrender.

"It's only fair!" Draco smirked dangerously and then...

Sparks burst from his wand and landed right on Hermione hair. But all at once, her hair turned Slytherin green.

"Oh ho ho!" Hermione glared daggers at Draco. "Your nonverbal magic is strong, red one. But not as strong as mine!" She grabbed her wand from the ground and pointed it directly at Draco causing him to jump in surprise. Before a second had passed a stream of red light shot from Hermione's wand and landed right in Draco's face.

Within moments, all of Draco's skin and clothing was the same maroon color his hair was. He looked like a big blob of walking red.

In retaliation, Draco pointed his wand at Hermione and preformed the same move, causing Hermione to look like a big blob of walking _green_.

"Ohh! I hate this color, Malfoy!"

"What are you going to do about it then, Granger?"

Meanwhile, Karl was sitting on the floor laughing as he watched his adoptive parents abuse their magic, and color.

"What a wretched shade of green!" Hermione cried out, pointing her wand and making flowers sprout from Draco's ears. "Now you're as pretty as a tea pot." She declared triumphantly, crossing her arms.

"I was as pretty as a tea pot before!" He shot greenish sparks at Hermione, causing her hair to stand straight out from her head. The effect made her look like a piece of broccoli.

"Hey wait! I want to be a different color!" Karl exclaimed, jumping up and throwing his arms out. "Pick me pick me pick me pick me!"

"Oh. What color do you want to be?" Hermione asked politely, taking time out from her heated battle with Draco.

"Um. Hmmmm..." He put his fingers on his chin and thought, while Draco and Hermione shared a smile. "BLUE."

"Blue it is!" Hermione grinned before pointing her wand and making Karl as blue as a blueberry.

"THIS IS SO COOL!" He claimed and started jumping around. "I can't wait to get my own wand!"

A knock came from the bedroom door. "Oh, come in!" Hermione shouted out.

Ginny and Harry walked in before stopping in the tracks. "Uh...."

"Whoa."

"I don't even want to know what happened to your hair, 'Mione." Ginny asked, looking at her crazily.

"Oh, we were just having some fun with our wands."

"If you think becoming the new Queen of Broccoliville is fun..."

"As a matter of fact..." Hermione grinned. "I do!" She pointed her wand at Ginny and Ginny turned yellow. "And now you're infected!"

"Dear lord." Harry said looking at Ginny with an expression of awe. "That's... yellow. Wow. I feel like I'm looking at the sun."

Ginny's face turned extremely sour upon hearing Harry's comment. She reached down her shirt and pulled out her own wand. "That's it. I'm not playing around." She pointed it at Harry and made him a pretty violet color.

"Now, that's what I call the rainbow." Karl laughed pointing at Harry.

"Purple? Really?" Harry grimaced, putting his hands awkwardly on his chest, trying to hide the purple.

A new voice came from the doorway, "Man, I need a camera." Ron coughed out, holding back tears. "What kind of color explosion happened in here?"

"It all started with Karl." Hermione informed happily. "He picked up my wand and had an accidental burst of magic. It turned Draco's hair red."

"So, I turned her green." Draco added. "As pay back, for laughing at me."

They all took a moment to laugh as Draco finally forced the black dress robes over Karl's blue head.

"Well, as great as this is... Pansy's _on her way_ and if she sees you all like this she'll flip." Ron said sternly. "The woman is serious about this wedding!"

Ginny let out a squeal. "I bet she's going to look beautiful in her dress!" She exclaimed, sitting next to Hermione. "I mean, look at the bride's maid dresses she designed. And so quickly too."

"I know, I'm so excited for her." Hermione nodded, giving a small smile in Draco's direction. She turned and looked in the mirror. "Ugh." She pointed her wand at her head and fixed her hair and then her coloring. "Never again, Draco. Never."

"Can I please, please stay blue for the wedding?" Karl asked, tugging on Draco's arm. "Pleaseeeeee."

"Um." Draco looked around nervously. "Ask Pansy when she gets here, but if she says so, it's a definite no."

"KAY!"

Hermione turned her wand onto Ginny, removing the spell and returning her to her original color. She repeated the process with Harry and then Draco, but left the flowers.

"'Mione!"

The girls giggled. "Alright, everyone!" Came a gentler voice from the door way. They all turned around, their eyes landing on Pansy, who stood at the doorway drenched in white. "It's time for me to get married!"

* * *

The predicted sunny day had turned very dreadful. A cool rain fell with big, heavy drops and thunder rolled in viciously. A not-so-gentle breeze flew by causing the already rickety home of the Burrow to sway slightly.

"Can they really do this?" Mr. Weasley's voice sounded from the other room. Pansy bit down on her lip as her saddened expression turned even more sorrow filled. Seeing this, Hermione reached over and placed her hand over Pansy's.

"I don't understand what happened, Hermione."

"The only basis they could have for stopping a wedding ceremony would be if you, or the groom, were already married." Hermione informed.

"I'm not, Ron..."

"...Didn't date anyone except Lavender Brown in school before his two year coma, and he's been dating you since then. There's no way he's married, Pansy."

Her silence was strange to Hermione. Pansy was always too bubbly and talkative. It only added to the gloomy turn of events.

"Pansy, look at me." Hermione demanded, leaning in a bit closer to her friend. Pansy reluctantly leaned forward and looked at Hermione through her watery eyes. "I will figure this out. Personally. I will kill anyone who tries to stop me, I will get all the facts, every detail, I will put it all together, and you will get married. I promise."

"I know, I understand that you would do everything in your power. You're a really good friend, 'Mione... but..." Pansy started, but was unable to finish. She bit down on her lip again for a few moments before continuing, "Ron doesn't deserve this." She looked towards the door where mumbled voices could be heard in the next room over.

"No one deserves this." Hermione shook her head, knowing full well the direction Pansy was heading in.

"Ron, he's-"

"You've got to be kidding me!" Draco's shout reverberated loudly through the house, interrupting Pansy. His outburst was followed immediately by a loud _pop!_

"Who do you think app-" Loud shouts started issuing from the room causing Hermione to shut her mouth in surprise.

Pansy sniffled beside her as Ginny's voice rose in pitch, until her screams were almost loud enough to shatter glass.

Mr. Weasley burst through the kitchen at the moment, closely followed by Ginny who had a firm hand on the shoulder of a representative of the Ministry. Ron, still in his fancy dress robes, and Harry followed after them.

Mrs. Weasley was outside in the garden, directing guests home and keeping Karl occupied.

Ginny and Mr. Weasley led the representative towards the backdoor and literally threw him out. "AND DON'T COME BACK!" Ginny shouted as she stood on the small porch, throwing her arms around. "OR ELSE YOU'LL SEE THE WRONG END OF A REDUCTO RIGHT UP YOUR-"

"GINEVRA!" Mrs. Weasley shouted from outside.

"Oh. Right. Sorry, mum." Ginny slammed the door to express her anger and then, grudgingly, flopped down at the kitchen table next to Pansy.

Hermione quickly took count of the people in the room and realized with a frown that it was Draco that apparated away. She looked towards Ron, who was shuffling a thick stack of papers in his hands.

"Ron, what is it?" Pansy asked timidly, her voice quivering just above a whisper. "What's happening?"

When he couldn't answer, Hermione stepped in.

"Let me see it, Ron." She commanded, holding out her hands. He dropped the stack into her mandibles with a sigh and then fell into the chair next to Pansy, wrapping his arms around her.

Quickly, Hermione read all the papers, a brow furrowed and look of complete annoyance on her face. Mrs. Weasley came inside a second later and stood by her husband.

"I saw this twice while working at the Ministry," She informed, her eyes darting across the papers with speed.

"It'll be alright, Ron, Pansy." Ginny informed. "Hermione used to work for the Ministry, remember? She'll handle it."

"Yea, mate." Harry patted Ron's shoulder comfortingly.

"Hermione," Mrs. Weasley started. "Can you explain this better for me? I just... I just don't understand..."

Hermione looked around the room, her eyes going from face to face. Clearing her throat, she sucked up her annoyance and launched into an explanation. "I've seen this just twice. The first one was between Vincent Crabbe and Tracey Davis, the second between Daphne Greengrass and Peregrine Derrick. There was also a small issue right before I left with Christine Harper, who was supposed to marry Gregory Goyle. It's an old tradition, mostly practiced by Purebloods."

Pansy let out a small whimper. "This can't be good, can it? Why do I feel like my parents had something to do with this!?"

Hermione winced at her words knowingly, but continued anyways. "The truth of the matter is, it's a very old tradition, but still perfectly legal. It's used to make sure that purebloods marry purebloods in order to keep the family line 'clean'. I remember reading that in the footnotes. Ugh, this is disgusting! And there's only... This can't mean..." She cringed as she got to the end of the document. "Oh my gods!"

Standing up, Hermione threw the papers down in a sudden burst of anger. Pansy, still not understanding, looked up at her. "Hermione what is it?"

"Signed by Bernard William Parkinson and Denise Ruth Parkinson, Lucius Anton Malfoy and Narcissa Druella Malfoy!" She spit out venomously. "This is why you can't get married! Your parents.... Your parents!"

"Wait, wait." Mr. Weasley put his hands up to in order to calm everyone down. "If the parents are dead, if any of the four who signed the contract are dead... the contract should automatically void!"

"Yes, you're completely right, Mr. Weasley." Hermione carried on, glaring at everyone who dared to move. "If the parents are dead! This is proof that your parents, and the Malfoy's are still alive!"

An awkward silence filled the room. "Oh what are we going to do? You're betrothed! To _my_ fiancé!" Hermione stomped her foot and let out a unladylike snort.

Ginny's jaw dropped. "Hermione?"

Hermione swayed and fell back into her chair. "It was Pansy's day, she announced her and Ron's engagement first, and I was going to say something after the wedding. No wonder Draco left. He's already _so_ angry at his parents."

"Does he know that they're still alive?" Harry asked as he took a seat next to Hermione. "I mean, did he know before today?"

"No, but no doubt he's figured it out with this whole mess." She mumbled.

"Oh, no." Pansy put her face in her hands, possibly hiding tears. The group watched with a gloomy expression. "No, no, no, no, no! My mother told me she would never do this to me!"

"Not only are we incapable of legally getting married to the men we want," Hermione started looking directly at Pansy. "But the Ministry lied."

"What did the Ministry lie about?" Harry asked questioningly, the beginnings of rage tracing on his face.

"They said they executed Lucius Malfoy and that Narcissa Malfoy died shortly after due to 'depression'! And reports said that the Parkinson's died during the war!" Hermione stifled the urge to kick over a chair, knowing Mrs. Weasley was in the room. "I've seen the reports and I'm willing to bet that I could get a copy to prove it!"

"I remember getting the news." Pansy sniffled. "The news saying that my parent's bodies were found as they started cleaning up Hogwarts."

Silence engulfed the Burrow again as they all sat around the kitchen table, taking in the day's events. "Is there any way to get rid of the contract if the Malfoy's and Parkinson's are still alive?" Mrs. Weasley spoke up after a few minutes.

Pansy and Ron both looked up at Hermione at the same time. She felt her heart sink at their pleading looks. She felt as Ginny put her hand on top of hers and couldn't help the defeated sigh that pass through her lips. "No." Her voice rang out through the house and she could practically hear Pansy's heart stop beating, just as hers did too.

* * *

**Author's Note: Hi all. A sudden turn of events!!! Dun dun dun! This is what I had planned to happen in the first Druidess, but hey! Now it's in the sequel. So sue me. But don't really. So it's going to have this tone for several more chapters, it's all ANGSTY OH GOD THE DRAMA, IT BURNS AHHH IT'S IN MY EYES. :P Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it. Any suggestions? Press the review button or PM me. **

**Also, if anyone was wondering, I posted a one shot that stemmed off Druidess. It's called _Fruit is Universal_ and it's about Ron and Pansy on their- (hand covers mouth) MMMMM MMMM MMM. Well, I guess if you want to know, you'll have to go read it!!! :D**

**This chapter is dedicated to K.L. Clarion, ANGST. **

**And as always, I don't own anything!!! D'oh! Hearts!!!**


End file.
